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Drinking Quotes 1 - 50 (Read 12271 times)
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Drinking Quotes 1 - 50
28. Jan 2006 at 20:13
 
1. "I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."  
George Best.  
 
2. "The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi."  
Denis Leary.  
 
3. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."  
Homer Simpson.  
 
4. "I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."  
Bill Hicks.  
 
5. "A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her."  
WC Fields  
 
6. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."
Dean Martin.  
 
7. "What contemptible scroundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"  
WC Fields  
 
8. "I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping."  
Mark Twain.  
 
9. "What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."  
Diogenes.  
 
10. "I always keep a stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."  
WC Fields  
 
11. "The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."  
Arthur Lewis.  
 
12. "I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example."
Mick Miller.  
 
13. "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."  
Rodney Dangerfield.  
 
14. "Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk."  
Christopher Howse.  
 
15. "Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold."  
Jerry Vale  
 
16. "Prohibition is better than no liquor at all."  
Will Rogers.  
 
17. "The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle, they're on TV."  
Homer Simpson.  
 
18. "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
Robin Williams.  
 
19. "I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."  
Robert Benchley.  
 
20. "I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."  
WC Fields  
 
21. "An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do."  
Dylan Thomas.  
 
22. "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."  
Mark Twain.  
 
23. "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."  
Hunter S Thompson.  
 
24. "I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver."  
Phil Harris  
 
25. "My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"  
Henry Youngman.  
 
26. "I drink therefore I am."  
WC Fields.  
 
27. "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."  
Dave Barry.
  
28. "Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money."
Robin Williams.  
 
29. "Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol."  
NF Simpson.  
 
30. "I am a drinker with writing problems."  
Brendan Behan.  
 
31. "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."  
Fred Allen.  
 
32. "I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up."  
Dean Martin.  
 
33. "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."  
Catherine Zandonella.  
 
34. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin.  
 
35. "They who drink beer will think beer."  
Washington Irving.  
 
36. "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."  
David Daye.  
 
37. "I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop."  
Noel Coward.  
 
38. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman.  
 
39. "I drink to make other people interesting."  
George Jean Nathan.  
 
40. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry.  
 
41. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Joe E Lewis.  
 
42. "Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been taking it for years."  
Tallulah Bankhead  
 
43. "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."  
Ernest Hemmingway.  
 
44. "There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation."
John Ciandi  
 
45. "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
Humprey Bogart.  
 
46. "He was a wise man who invented beer."  
Plato.  
 
47. "I got thrown out of Alcoholics Anonymous because when the other clients saw me they thought they were having the DT's"
Dave Dutton  
 
48. "Work is the curse of the drinking classes."  
Oscar Wilde.  
 
49. "You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."  
Mark Twain.  
 
50. "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"  
Denis Leary.  
 Grin Shocked
If You Have Any More Please Post Them - No Swearing Please - Keep It Clean !!!!!
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